I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize