Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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