You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
