Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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