oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
where are my eyebrows?
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