Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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