why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
