Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
