oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
