this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
