pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You ruined the universe
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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