Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
