it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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