Sorry, I don't speak sober.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
