I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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