I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
