i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
