There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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