Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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