check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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