I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
