ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
