I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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