Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
