I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
