Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
