Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
