can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
