i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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