Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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