3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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