some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize