his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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