you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
