this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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