I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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