her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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