Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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