Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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