Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
