I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
