Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
