I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm jealous of your bromance
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize