if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
