i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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