When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sorry about my life...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
