Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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