my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found puke in my bra..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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