he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
