my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize