Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
