You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
