Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
