I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
