Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
