my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
