It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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