I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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