Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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