dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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