I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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