she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
