I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
