Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
