Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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