She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
