Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
