Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
