We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
