I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
