he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
