the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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