How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
