I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
