she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize