she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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