Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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