I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
